There was a point in my life where things changed. I wasn't me anymore. I think something snapped. I think part of me died, even. I think it happened once I was out of the Military. I might have had to grow up too fast; when I wasn't ready. Maybe it fucked me up for good. Maybe it was before that.
I used to have a lot of passion for things. I was vegetarian and then vegan. I was involved in human rights movements. I had a strong opinion on things, even if I didn't voice it too often (I think I am still that way actually). I felt pretty satisfied with my outlook on life and myself.
Now how am I. I don't even know how to explain myself. There are things that I am passionate about but I don't believe I express it or are even involved in any of my passions. In fact, my passion became my previous job. That isn't a bad thing or a depressing thing to me but there is something about that. It just doesn't seem like that is how it should be. I used to be involved in my life and the world. Now I read the news and feel like I am involved by talking about current events to people, "Holy shit, did you watch the news about ..."
I feel as if I am just this insane person whos brain is just getting worse and worse and soon I won't be anything. Just this thing.
I used to draw everyday. I used to paint and if I wasn't I was thinking of what I COULD be painting or drawing. creating. I don't create anything. I haven't painted anything in months. I can barely sketch.
It's time for a change and it is time for me to create something.
